Woman in the Middle

I did a little grocery shopping last night. It was at a store I don’t go to that much which also happens to be much bigger than the store I usually shop at. So I wandered around quite a bit trying to find the things I was looking for. Somehow I ended up on the toy aisle. Bigger store meant a bigger selection of toys. A doll in the ubiquitous pink package caught my eye. Yep, it was Barbie. But there was something a little different about her so I went in for a closer look.

There was Barbie the ballerina. However, unlike the Barbies that lived in my house back in the day the only piece of clothing that was removable was her tutu. Her little toe shoes, her pink tights and her flower bedecked bodice were all a permanent part of this Barbie. It was then I realized that Mattel had misnamed her. If they had given her the correct name mothers of daughters all over America would be snapping her up. She should have been called “Never Naked Barbie.”

Oh yes, all you mothers of daughters remember those days. No sooner had you managed to pull tiny little sleeves over those stick arms and pointy fingers, maneuver slippery pink material over those pointed breasts, pull a skirt or shorts around that tiny butt, your darling daughter would rip them right back off again, leaving the naked perfection that is Barbie to taunt you, or at least to injure you when you “accidentally” stepped on her.

To be a mother of a person possessing XX chromosomes in America is to live with naked Barbies. It is kind of embarrassing at first. having Barbie and her lush nakedness scattered about your house. You try to cover her up and get some clothes on that hussy. But soon it becomes too much. Little girls always leave her and her perky breasts naked in the most public room in the house and we learn to live with it.

So, I am telling you Mattel, “Never Naked Barbie” would be a perennial bestseller.

Grandma: “Sally says she wants a Barbie for her birthday. What kind does she want?”

Mom: “I don’t care what she wants. Get her that Never Naked Barbie. I am tired of trying to keep the Barbies she already has dressed.”

Seriously, I should be paid for amazing ideas like this!