Getting Old and Taking Care of the Elderly Isn’t for Whimps
Woman in the Middle | October 11, 2015While Hubby and I no longer have elderly parents, plenty of our friends do. This has definitely been the summer of parent problems for many of our close friends. Since we have been though what they are going through, we offer as much advice, information, and wisdom as possible when they call.
One friend’s father contracted West Nile. Eek! It was a miracle he survived that. But, while in the hospital they discovered that he had many narrowed arteries around his heart and needed a new heart valve. Double eek! Amazingly, this tough old Korean War vet survived it all and is back home doing very well, all things considered.
Another friend’s mother was still living at home with a Life Alert hanging around her neck, just in case she fell or otherwise needed help. She fell and laid on the floor for two days, all the while the Life Alert hung around her neck. When a neighbor found her and called her sons, she tried to say it didn’t work. At which point, one son grabbed the life alert, pushed the button, and summoned an ambulance. It worked just fine. She was in the hospital for a week. Another hospital episode followed a month or so later, related to her taking her medicine wrong, or not taking it at all. A home health aide was hired, and was promptly fired by the mom two weeks later. Things are touch and go, day-to-day, as to whether or not she can stay in her home.
Then, I got a phone call from another friend last night. Her in-laws became ill, with the flu it turns out, and laid in bed in a hot house with the AC turned off for two days, not eating or drinking. One of their sons called them, thank goodness, on the second day, and the mother informed him she was dying. He lives out of town so he called my friend and her husband who rushed over, got them to a doctor, discovered they had pneumonia, and the two spend a combined total of about three weeks in the hospital and rehab.
While old age is a privilege and I know many folks in their 80s and 90s who are doing quite well, it is stories like these that make me wonder what I will do when I am elderly. I hope to heck I am like another friend’s father who asked to be moved into assisted living after a bad fall made him realize he shouldn’t be living alone. I hope I get help to keep my house clean when I no longer can or want to do it for myself. I hope I don’t get bitten by a rouge mosquito. I hope if I have a Life Alert, I will push the button.
It gets scary. I want to downsize so we can age in place but my husband isn’t ready. He loves the yard work and basement workshop. He’s in his early 70s and very healthy but…..I worry. I tell him if he dies first (which is really unlikely) without the downsizing and I have to do all the work myself, I will go to the other world and pull him back!
I am in my 50s, but, after dealing with Mom in Law’s house, I am motivated to get rid of stuff now. That is part of what all my cleaning out is about. Really, my daughters don’t need to be the ones throwing out birthdays cards from friends of mine. I know there will still be tons of stuff, but I can at least do what I can.
I cleaned out my Mom’s house too. She had lived there for 30 years. Old paint, rusted tools, clothes that didn’t fit. There was just so much stuff. The thing that made it easier was that it wasn’t my stuff. Of course I ended up with a lot of the “memories” in my basement for another 10 years.
We have lots of memories from Mom in law’s house as well. Some of it is packed up and still there. I am hoping that once it gets over here we will be able to get rid of more. You know, the “Why did we keep this?” thoughts. I can dream, can’t I?
My great aunt stayed at home in her own home till her mid 80′s when she had a fall and laid on the cold floor overnight till the next door neighbour found her and broke her hip, after being in hospital for a while she went into a nursing home she hated it. My pop cared for my nan at home till he got sick and went into a nursing home. When people get older they worry about going into a nursing home, but sometimes it is just what it has to be, my aunt went into a nursing home a couple of years ago as she was having trouble getting around and caring for herself. Dad has told mum if he gets so bad she can’t cope to put him in a nursing home, he said I know I will complain but I also know it will be for the best. Medi alert things are great if the person remembers how to use them but a lot of elderly people forget how to use it
I had to deal with these things at a much earlier age than most people, which is why my friends call now that they have to deal with them. You have to be flexible, even in your 80s, about where to live and such. I hope I will be when I reach that age!!!
My dad is able to care for himself now and he is almost in his 80′s, but I wonder how he’ll be if he has to live in a home in the future. I think he won’t do it.