Sometimes, I wish I had boys…
Woman in the Middle | December 19, 2014I love my daughters. When I was a little girl playing with dolls, I only wanted to grow up and be a mommy to girls. Lucky for me my wish came true, and I had two girls. I dressed them up and played with their hair just as I dreamed. But, in spite of this, sometimes I wish I had had boys.
It isn’t why you think. It isn’t the eye rolling and the hair flipping. It is became sometimes, even in 2014, being a woman is just hard. No matter how many advancements we make, it is still a man’s world. I see that when men express surprise that Youngest Daughter is a mechanical engineer. I saw it when she had to deal with sexism in the workplace at her first and only internship.
This is particularly on my mind as I write this because I was just voted off my city’s planning commission tonight. Originally, my fellow (all male) planning commissioners and I were given terms that coincided with the city council member who nominated us. Because we were a new city those terms were staggered at first. According to city ordinance, after that, planning commissioners would get four year terms. Then the city council, in an effort to get rid of another planning commissioner, decided on a crazy convoluted process whereby planning commissioners would be selected for four year terms but would be reconfirmed every year in December. Right before Christmas, oh goody!
When that silly system was put into place, I knew it was just a matter of time. The city council person who nominated me thinks I do a good job and renominated me again tonight. People who actually attend planning commission meetings say I do a good job. They like the fact that I ask lots of questions of developers, hard questions. But three of the city council people decided I was not acceptable, including the one woman on the city council. A council member who was recently voted out of office (thank goodness!) told the chair of the commission that he “needed to get me under control,” that I had an issue with men, and that I was rude and disrespectful. Sounds like the same old sad story, doesn’t it? Strong woman needs to be controlled by a man. Forceful man is a strong leader. Forceful woman is a b****.
And that is why I am, at this moment, feeling a little sorry I had girls. I hate that they have to go through what I have had to go through. But my girls were by my side when the vote went down. and they saw their mother hold her head up high in spite of the silly politics. Hubby was there too, and so many of my friends who know the real story.
The funny thing is, the one woman council member used to follow this blog. She stopped following it less than a month ago. Guess I should have known then she didn’t want me on planning commission anymore. The kiss of death, and all that, like in a Godfather movie. So beware the one that stops following your blog. She may have other plans for you….
I worked in an engineering organization in a non-engineering (but professional) function. I understand. In order to persevere, I had to do more and better work than a male would. This was back in the 80s but I suspect there is still some of that out there. When my niece who is a chemist was considering her major, she was leaning toward a business degree. I talked her into choosing a specific field where she would excel because being in support jobs never gets you the big bucks or recognition. She has done really well but I suspect she’s had to work harder at it. I am sorry that you have been voted out but perhaps there is something bigger and better for you. One door closes and another opens.
Thank you, Kate! Writing blog posts in the middle of the night! I think you know you are a writer when that is what you turn to when things are bad!
Well, if it makes you feel any better, men are discriminated in the teaching field, especially in preschool. Women automatically consider them to be pedophiles and won’t let the students near them! I know of some very good men teachers and the students need more of them.
Anyway, I’m sorry they voted you out. Their loss, not yours. As a matter of fact, give them hell at all of the meetings by continuing to ask those hard questions!
It’s their loss……For the only woman on the committee that stopped blogging to WITM, she’ll get her day. Brown nosing only goes so far……Where a door closes another better window will open for you. You’re too good of an asset to your community. They’ll reaccess and regret the decision…Brightly put, you won!