More alike than I thought
Woman in the Middle | January 9, 2014I never thought my brother and I were much alike. He had dark hair, I was a blond. He was on the shorter, stocky side. I was on the taller side (for a woman) and had a thinner build, at least back when we were growing up! He inherited the freckled face of our redheaded mother. I didn’t. We took different paths as adults, one going to college, one not. He was a “good old boy,” but I don’t think I am a “good old girl.” But he was still my brother and I loved him and he loved me back, however little we seemed to have in common.
Yesterday we held his memorial service. A number of his friends got up and shared the positive impacts he had had on their lives. One thing they all said was that Mikey, or Angry Mike, or Magic Mike (he had lots of nicknames) always shared the honest truth, however unpleasant that was. Mike didn’t pull any punches, they said. And it was hearing that that I realized that my brother and I were more alike than I ever realized. Because I have that same personality trait. I tend to tell it like it is. Some people do not like that. They say it is bad, as in “You are always so negative.” I don’t look at it that way and apparently neither did my brother.
Hearing about Brother Dear from his friends was really a gift yesterday. Finding that connection with him was beyond a gift. The truth my brother spoke about tended to be about people’s recovery from addiction, something he knew a lot about after becoming sober himself 10 years ago. I tend to talk about issues in my community, particularly things that aren’t going well or aren’t being dealt with. I don’t believe in using truth as a cover to hurt people. But Brother Dear and I both figured out, all on our own, that hiding from the truth doesn’t make things better.
Hearing what an impact he had on other people’s lives just strengthened my resolve to go forward and point out the truth, however others may see it. My brother knew that was important and so do I.
I’m sure your brother is in Heaven right now pushing you to tell it like it is whether someone has a problem with it or not.
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. On the positive side, you have now found that common bond. Sometimes it’s just plain hard to see commonality in families until we see that person from other eyes. Every time you “tell it like is” now, you will be reminded of him and the love you shared.